


The Root of All Midnight Blues

by McKay



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-21
Updated: 2017-05-21
Packaged: 2018-11-03 03:17:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10958526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/McKay/pseuds/McKay
Summary: Severus doesn't want a relationship and considers love a notion for fools, but when Remus politely refuses his offer of a no-strings affair and begins seeing someone else, suddenly he starts to want what he can't have.





	The Root of All Midnight Blues

**Author's Note:**

> Written in 2004.

"I have a proposition for you." Severus moved his remaining knight and then leaned back in his chair, bringing his snifter of brandy to his lips and watching Remus closely over the top of it as he took a sip. 

"Oh?" Remus' distracted tone reflected the fact that most of his concentration was turned on the chess board as he studied the layout, stroking his chin absently. 

Their weekly chess game was a long-standing appointment, one they no longer felt the need to confirm from week to week; they simply showed up at each other's quarters on Friday night shortly after dinner, alternating by week. Tonight, they were in Remus' quarters; the small table where they set up the board was in front of the hearth, close enough to keep them warm but not close enough to make them hot. Two of Remus' most comfortable chairs were settled on either side of the table, with the brandy and a plate of biscuits on a tea table that was within easy reach for both of them, while Remus' phonograph played Glenn Miller quietly in the background. It had taken a while for Severus to grow accustomed to Remus' choice of music, but now he found he rather liked it, and he had even learnt to identify certain performers. 

They each owned a special chess set; Severus' had pieces in the shape of historical Roman figures, and when he was defeated, his king cried out, "et tu, Brute" before collapsing in a dramatic heap. Remus' set came from Egypt, and it was relatively new, bought when he went on holiday with Bill Weasley a year ago. The pieces all looked like Egyptian deities, except for the pawns, which looked like mummified cats. Severus particularly liked the bishops, which had the head of a jackal and barked with mad glee when they captured another piece. Prior to that, Remus' set had been a cheap, generic one with pieces that had become more difficult to repair after each game due to poor quality and extensive use. Fortunately, none of the pieces in the sets they used at present smashed each other; they merely indulged in melodramatic death throes.

It surprised Severus to remember how long they had been playing -- nearly three years now. Their weekly ritual had begun in the fall of 1996; he couldn't remember whether it was in September or October, but he thought it might have been October, because he remembered talking to Albus around that time, trying to talk him into letting him inject a noxious potion into the floating pumpkins so that whoever decided it would be amusing to burst any of them that year would regret it. Remus had come to his quarters, ignored Severus' demands to get out, and announced that he had come to make amends. 

"I've been given a mission," he explained once Severus had stopped threatening to throw him out on his ear, "and there's a good chance I won't come back from it. I've asked for and been given time to settle my affairs. For me, that includes talking to you, because some of my biggest regrets and mistakes involve you."

Shouting had ensued, at least on Severus' part; Remus listened quietly and let Severus scream himself out. When Severus collapsed in a chair, drained and feeling like something crusty and festering deep inside him had burst at last, he poured a generous glass of scotch for them both, offered a lengthy explanation and apology, and then -- seemingly out of nowhere -- challenged him to a game of chess. 

"I haven't played in years," Remus said. "I'd like one last game against a challenging opponent before I leave."

Severus won, and Remus met his gloating with a calm smile. "If I come back, I want a rematch," he said, and then he was gone, and Severus spent the next two weeks trying to process the realization that he didn't hate Remus Lupin anymore. Remus did return, gravely wounded but alive, and Severus accused him of surviving for the sole purpose of trying to beat him at chess.

The war continued, and they played chess every week. Potter defeated the Dark Lord, the war ended, and they played chess every week. Minerva was appointed Headmistress of the school, Severus was promoted to deputy headmaster, and Remus returned to teach Defense, and they played chess every week. It was a touchstone they could count on in the midst of change and chaos, and he suspected they had both come to depend on it more than either of them cared to admit.

"What's your proposition?" Remus asked, jolting Severus back into the present as he moved a pawn, lingered over it for a moment, and finally lifted his hand from it with a satisfied nod. 

"That you and I enter into an arrangement -- a no-strings affair," Severus replied, leaning forward again so he could study the board. 

On the other side of the table, Remus stared at him, utterly expressionless, and then he reached for his own snifter of brandy and gulped it down. "If this is another one of your attempts to distract me so you'll win, I must confess it's working quite well."

"It isn't a distraction." Severus picked up his queen, and his hand hovered over the board for a moment until he placed her at last and sat back. "I'm quite serious. I'm tired of celibacy, but I've no intention of spending my hard-earned money on sex." 

"What about a relationship?"

Severus let out a derisive snort. "I've no desire to shackle myself to another person for any longer than it takes for both of us to satisfy our needs of the flesh." 

"I take it that means love is out of the question," Remus said, a sardonic smile playing at the corners of his mouth.

"Entirely. Love is a ridiculous notion perpetrated by fools and embraced by the desperate or gullible."

Twirling a captured bishop between his fingers, Remus regarded Severus across the table, his expression unreadable and his eyes hooded. "Why me?"

"I ran through the list of men of my acquaintance. You're single, you're gay, and you're not unattractive. You'll do."

"Careful, Severus. I'll end up swooning in your arms if you keep talking like that."

Severus made a scoffing noise and waved one hand as if brushing away Remus' words. "You're better looking now that you've got rid of that ridiculous mustache. What the hell were you thinking, growing that thing anyway?"

"It was a phase. I thought it would help me look more like what a 'Professor Lupin' should look like."

"Thank God that phase has passed." Severus glanced at the board. "Are you going to move before the seasons change?"

"Sorry." Remus turned his attention to the board and then moved a knight, putting Severus' queen at risk; with a low snarl, Severus quickly moved her to safety, and she sagged with relief before beginning to clean her whiskers as if she hadn't really been worried. 

"Well?" 

"Well what?" Remus appeared to be engrossed in studying the game again, and Severus tutted impatiently. 

"Well, shall we make such an arrangement or not?"

"I think not." Glancing up, Remus gave him an amused little smile. "Don't look so shocked. I'm single, I'm gay, and I find you not unattractive as well. However, I don't want that kind of arrangement with you or anybody else."

"Oh, God -- don't tell me you're holding out for love," Severus groaned, reaching for his snifter again to finish off his brandy. 

"Why shouldn't I? I don't hold the idea of love in contempt as you do, and while I might be over-reaching myself to hope that someone might love me someday in spite of what I am, it could happen. Why should I settle for less than that?"

"Right -- one day, your Prince Charming will come along to sweep you off your feet. In the meantime, you're alone, celibate, and your standing weekly date is with me. Why shouldn't you enjoy yourself while you wait? What if he never shows up? Then you'll have wasted all these years with nothing to show for it but a tally of how many games you've won."

"I'm content with my life the way it is now."

"Content -- not happy," Severus countered. 

"You're one to talk," Remus replied with a teasing smile to soften his words. "Are _you_ happy?"

"Of course not. I'm impossible to please. You know that."

"But you think having this arrangement with someone will help."

"It will be better than bringing myself off," he replied and reached for the decanter to pour himself some more brandy. "I'm not foolish or idealistic enough to expect joy in my life, Lupin. I'll be satisfied with the little pleasures that have been denied me for so long, and that includes good brandy, a worthy opponent at chess, and no longer having to teach Potter or any of the Weasley brood."

"And sex."

"And sex." Severus lifted his glass in a silent toast. 

"Then I sincerely hope you find someone who'll agree to your arrangement, Severus." Remus put down the bishop he had been toying with and stretched out his hand to move a piece on the board. "But I must decline. Not out of any lack of desire or attraction, mind," he added. "You're quite tolerable once you stop hating someone and don't snarl at them as often."

"Except when I lose."

"Except then, yes. Anyway, it isn't that I'm not attracted to you. It's simply that your proposed arrangement doesn't suit me."

Folding his arms, Severus gave a haughty sneer. "I suppose it would suit you better if I offered flowers and soppy declarations of affection."

"Flowers and declarations of affection from you? I'd wonder who had you under the influence of an Imperius."

"At least you haven't taken leave of your senses completely." Shaking his head, Severus glowered at the chess board. "I think it would be an ideal arrangement, but if you aren't interested, so be it. I'll find someone else."

"And so will I," Remus said mildly, and Severus' scowl deepened as he squelched the little twist in his gut that those words evoked.

* * *

"What the devil are you so cheerful about?" Severus demanded after Remus began humming along with "Stardust"; it wasn't so much the fact that Remus was humming, but that he had a fatuous look on his face to go along with the humming, which was unusual. "Did someone give you a new chew toy?"

Remus moved one of his pawns forward two spaces and then glanced up, his face alight with a smile, and Severus felt that odd twist again. He didn't think he had ever seen that expression before -- a blend of happiness, anticipation, and excitement. It looked out of place, an anomaly on a face that was habitually placid, showing little of either anger or amusement except in rare instances. 

"No, I met someone," Remus said, and Severus felt the bottom of his stomach drop out. 

"You're joking." 

Of course it was a joke -- it had to be. Remus hardly ever left the school. How could he have met someone? No, he was teasing, wanting to wind Severus up a bit after that talk of an arrangement a few weeks prior. This was his little revenge for Severus refusing to go along with his moon and June and rainbow's end ideals. 

"Not at all. His name is Daniel, and he works at Gladrags. I met him when I went in last week to buy a new set of robes. He took my measurements, we talked a bit, and there was chemistry -- a definite spark."

"Oh, really." Severus narrowed his eyes as he glared across the table, arms crossed, fingers digging into his upper arm as he listened. Who was this Daniel person, and how dare he -- Severus cut the thought short. Of course Remus had the right to see anyone he liked. Just because he turned Severus down didn't mean he was going to spend the rest of his life single and celibate. Perhaps Daniel was as much of a soppy romantic as Remus, and they would get on swimmingly together. 

"Yes, and we're meeting for tea tomorrow afternoon at Madam Puddifoot's," Remus said, seeming oblivious to the inner war Severus was waging. "It's not a date, really. It's meant to be casual, just to test the waters. Still," he added, his smile widening, "I think there's definite potential."

"How lovely for you."

"Thank you, Severus. So tell me -- how is your search going?"

Severus forced himself to unclench his teeth long enough to reply. "What search?"

"For a no-strings partner." Remus took a sip of brandy and regarded Severus with a speculative look. "Have you had any luck?"

"I haven't really given it much more thought." Severus snatched up his own snifter and downed its contents. There was no reason why he should feel so unsettled -- so angry -- at the thought of Remus seeing someone. None at all. "My list of candidates was hardly an extensive one to begin with."

"Ah. Well, I'm sure you'll find someone. I did, after all -- and when I least expected it, too."

Severus' only response was a noncommittal grunt, and he refilled his snifter and sank down into his chair, studying Remus across the table. He wasn't jealous. Being jealous implied that he had feelings for Remus, and he most decidedly did not. Under duress, he might admit aloud that he considered Remus a friend, the first in a very long time. Severus had acquaintances and colleagues, but he didn't have friends. He didn't want people getting that close to him, but over the course of the last three years, Remus had edged his way in, and Severus considered it a tolerable state of affairs. He enjoyed the chess and the conversation, and he had grown to anticipate their weekly visits. But that didn't mean he cared about Remus.

He watched as Remus drummed his long, slender fingers absently on the chair arm as he considered his next move; he noted the way Remus' pale skin glowed golden in the firelight and how soothing the sound of Remus' husky baritone humming was. He thought about someone else running his fingers through the soft waves of Remus' hair or being enticed by the curve of Remus' mouth when he smiled, unable to keep from kissing those warm, tempting lips. 

He realized that if he clenched the snifter in his hand any harder, it would shatter, and he set it down, scowling. He wasn't going to deny that he was attracted to Remus; he had made the offer of a no-strings affair, after all, so he couldn't deny it, not even to himself. He was attracted, and after three years, he felt a certain proprietary claim to Remus' time and attention. The thought of someone infringing on what was rightfully his made his temper flare, and his scowl deepened. 

Remus was _his_ , damn it! This Daniel person had no right to take Remus out for tea. What if it progressed beyond tea? What if they began having a bloody _relationship_? Remus would want to spend all of his time with Daniel, and he would start canceling their weekly chess games, and Severus would never see him anymore. Intolerable!

"Is something wrong?" 

Remus' question brought him out of his angry reverie, and he glared at Remus. "No," he snapped. "I'm fine."

"I only asked because it's been your turn for five minutes, but you've been staring at me, not at the board." There was an amused gleam in Remus' eyes, and Severus' glare intensified. 

"Why do you want to see that Daniel person anyway?" he blurted out. "He's probably dull. He sounds dull. He couldn't even think of anything more original than asking you to tea."

"The tea was my idea," Remus said mildly. "And he isn't dull."

"He won't like you once he finds out you're a werewolf -- mark my words."

"He already knows. He's lived in Hogsmeade for the past ten years; he remembers hearing about me back in 1994."

"Oh."

"Yes." Remus cocked his head, lifting one eyebrow, the amusement shifting to mischievousness in his eyes. "Any other objections you care to make?"

"No," Severus replied sulkily. "I just don't see the point, that's all. We could have had a nice little arrangement, but you want him instead," he said, injecting all the scorn and derision he could manage into the word "him".

"You're not the only one tired of being celibate, Severus, but unlike you, I'm also tired of being alone." Remus glanced down and ran his fingers along the edge of the chessboard. "I told you before: I want more than a no-strings affair. If you can't offer me that, then we have nothing further to discuss."

"Fine." Severus reached out and moved the nearest piece, not paying attention to strategy; he was too angry to care whether he won or lost the game, and rather than dissipate, the tension between them remained, a silent undercurrent to the rest of the evening that put an end to any chance of relaxed conversation.

As soon as the game was over, Severus bade Remus a stilted good-bye and retreated to his chambers, too agitated even to think of trying to sleep. He could scarcely believe Remus had met someone -- the timing was just too perfect. He stopped pacing, arrested by the thought. 

It _was_ too perfect. It was too coincidental that Remus should find someone who was interested in him so soon after he'd turned down Severus' offer. What if there was no Daniel? What if Remus had made the whole thing up in order to make Severus jealous? Well, there was one way to find out, he thought. He would go to Madam Puddifoot's tomorrow, and he would see for himself whether "Daniel" existed or not.

* * *

The next day at 2:00, Severus slipped into a narrow alley across the street from the tea shop, hiding in the shadows as he waited and watched to see if Remus and "Daniel" showed up. He didn't think they would meet so early in the day, but Remus hadn't specified a time, and he didn't want to take the chance of missing them. 

It was tedious, but as the afternoon waned and there was no sign of Remus or his paramour, Severus felt a growing sense of smug satisfaction -- until he glanced up and saw Remus rounding the corner off High Street, wrapped up snugly in his cloak. His cheeks and the tip of his nose were pink from the brisk late September wind, and his silver-and-brown hair was ruffled; Severus had the inexplicable urge to dash over and cover those rosy cheeks with kisses to warm them. 

Stopping in front of Madam Puddifoot's, Remus pulled out his pocket watch and checked it, and then he glanced up and down the street, as if looking for someone. A few minutes passed, and still he waited, his hopefully expectant expression fading the longer he stood there. From the vantage point of his hiding place, Severus watched and seethed, furious on Remus' behalf that the arrogant git had stood him up. He had half a mind to march over and take Remus to tea himself to make up for it. Maybe then Remus wouldn't think his offer was such a bad idea! 

But just as Severus had made up his mind to rescue Remus from the humiliation of a broken date, he heard someone call out Remus' name, and he glanced up the street to see a man hurrying towards Remus, smiling and waving. Remus turned, his face lighting up at the sight of the man, and waved back, and Severus felt as if a mountain troll had sat on his chest. 

Daniel was real, then. It hadn't been a ruse; Remus really had met someone, and to make matters worse, said someone was tall, dark, and more attractive than Severus could ever hope to be even on his best days. He watched as Remus reached out to clasp Daniel's hands, squeezing them as Daniel bent to kiss his cheek; he couldn't hear their conversation, but he could see the way Remus glanced up at him, half-shy, half-flirtatious, and the way Daniel's attention seemed solely focused on Remus, to the exclusion of the rest of the world. 

Severus watched and seethed, and when they finally went inside the tea shop, he abandoned his post and stormed back to Hogwarts, fury roiling inside him until he felt as if he might burst with it. He couldn't stop wondering about Remus' date and how it was proceeding, and his imagination was conjuring all sorts of images of the two of them scurrying out of the tea shop so they could go somewhere private to shag like crazed minks. Unable to stand the suspense any longer and determined to get some answers, he marched to Remus' quarters and hovered outside the door, waiting for Remus' return. 

He heard Remus approach before he saw him -- that infernal humming alerted him -- and he drew himself up to his full height, schooling his features into his haughtiest, most disdainful sneer. "Did you have a good time?"

Remus looked startled to see Severus at first, but then he smiled and nodded before turning away to unlock and open the door. "A very good time, yes." 

Standing aside, Remus gestured for Severus to precede him into the room, and Severus accepted the silent invitation, striding into Remus' chambers. "I suppose you're going to tell me that sparks flew again."

"As a matter of fact, they did." Remus closed the door and took off his cloak, draping it over the coat rack before turning to watch Severus pacing up and down the middle of his sitting room. "We have quite a lot in common." 

"Do you." Severus stopped pacing and sneered at him. "I suppose he wants a romantic courtship."

"He wants more than a no-strings affair."

Their gazes locked, and Severus felt a fresh surge of possessive fury swelling in his chest at the relaxed contentment on Remus' face and the oblique accusation in his words. Tension crackled in the air between them, and he could see the challenge in Remus' expression, goading him, willing him to push Daniel aside and claim Remus as his own; the gauntlet had been thrown down, and Severus was too caught up in his own anger and desire to ignore it. 

With a snarl, he lunged forward, grabbing Remus' shoulders and pinning him against the wall. Remus let out a soft "oof" when his back hit the wall, and he stared up at Severus, proud and defiant, but he didn't push Severus away; instead, he clasped Severus' upper arms, his fingers curling into the fabric of Severus' jacket as if to keep him close. 

Severus gazed down at Remus and saw nothing of the warm openness that Remus had shown to Daniel. With him, Remus' eyes were guarded, and that served to infuriate him even more. Capturing Remus' face between his hands, he swooped down and sealed his mouth over Remus', forcing his lips apart and plunging his tongue between them. He expected to be pushed away, expected Remus to protest the forcible claiming -- but Remus latched on to Severus' mouth like a famished leech and drew Severus' tongue deep, sucking as if it contained the nectar of life.

Threading his fingers through Remus' hair, he cradled the back of Remus' head in his palm as the kiss continued, fevered and desperate, and slid his other arm around Remus' waist, hauling Remus closer; Remus wound both arms around him, clutching Severus' back, soft, hungry whimpers escaping his throat as Severus devoured his mouth. He could feel Remus' slender body arching against his, could feel Remus' eager surrender to the kiss; in that moment, Remus was his -- utterly his -- and neither of them were denying it. 

He had expected at least a token protest; instead, he found himself with an armful of warm, willing werewolf, and his long-neglected libido surged, hunger and need overwhelming him, and he scrabbled to remove Remus' clothes, shoving the dowdy tweed jacket over his shoulders and down his arms and yanking at the front of his shirt as Remus tore at his jacket, buttons popping and flying everywhere, skittering across the floor. Severus let out a deep groan when he finally reached bare skin, sliding his hand along the length of Remus' torso, but neither of them broke the kiss, still biting and slurping and _hungry_ ; now that he'd got a taste of Remus, he didn't think he could ever have enough, not of that velvety mouth or those rosy wet lips. 

Resting his hands at Remus' waist, he turned them both around and began walking Remus backwards, headed to the sofa, and only when they reached it did he end the kiss, gulping air into his starved lungs. Remus' eyes were wide and dilated, his lips parted as he sagged against the sofa and panted for breath; spots of hectic color stood out on his cheeks, and his hair was wild and messy thanks to Severus' fingers. He looked thoroughly debauched, and Severus couldn't remember ever seeing a more arousing, desirable sight in his life. 

Reaching for the fastenings of Remus' trousers, he made short work of them and then grabbed Remus again and spun him around, yanking his trousers and underpants down as far as he could reach before bending him over the arm of the sofa and putting his up-turned arse on wanton display. Drawing his wand, he smacked Remus' arse as hard as he could with it as he snarled an incantation for the preparation spells, and Remus let out a yelp, his body jerking at the unexpected swat.

Tossing his wand onto the sofa, Severus unfastened his own trousers and pushed them down swiftly along with his underpants. Grasping Remus' hip with one hand, he guided himself forward with the other, his cock pressed against Remus' entrance, and Remus spread his legs as wide as he could with his trousers in the way, moaning as he rocked his hips back. Crouching over Remus' back, Severus surged forward, grabbing Remus' hips with both hands, his fingers digging into the tender flesh as he entered Remus with one swift thrust; Remus cried out, his hands clawing at the sofa cushions, but Severus was relentless, setting a rough pounding rhythm punctuated by Remus' harsh panting and the slap of flesh against flesh.   
_  
Mine._

He drove deeper, slamming into Remus again and again and again as if he could place some kind of indelible claim on Remus by the sheer force of his possessive thrusts. 

_Mine._

He shoved his hands beneath Remus' shirt and raked his nails down Remus' back, reveling in the way Remus writhed beneath him, one low, needy moan following another. 

_Mine._

His hips pistoned sharp and swift, his body growing tight as his release neared; it had been so long since he felt the tight heat of another body sheathing him, and now it was _this_ body welcoming him, and he couldn't last, not this time, not with Remus chanting a litany of "yes" and "harder" and "Severus", audible even with his cheek mashed against the cushion. 

He came, and the detonation rocked his entire body, wrenching a harsh cry from his throat as he thrust and shoved, trying to bury himself ever deeper inside Remus until he was utterly spent. Bracing his hands on either side of Remus on the arm of the sofa, he closed his eyes and panted, light-headed from the exertion and the intensity of his release; only when he had calmed himself a little did he ease out of Remus and bend to pull his underpants and trousers back up, tucking himself in and fastening himself up again. 

Remus lay slumped over the arm of the couch, and without a word, Severus wrapped one arm around him again, sliding his hand down to grasp Remus' cock; Remus relaxed in Severus' embrace, and it only took a few swift, firm strokes before his hips jerked, and with a soft cry, he came, spilling over Severus' hand. Reaching for his wand, Severus cleaned them both up with a muttered "scourgify", and then he stood up straight, taking a step back to give Remus to stand as well. When Remus stood and turned around, his movements were languid, and a sated smile curved his mouth as he pulled up and refastened his own clothes, and Severus didn't bother hiding his smug triumph at the sight. 

"Mmmm..." Remus' sigh was indolent, and his expression was one of drowsy satisfaction as he moved closer, curving his arms around Severus' neck. "That was brilliant."

Severus wound his own arms around Remus' waist, giving him a haughty smile. "Do you still think my arrangement is an unappealing one?"

A tiny frown knit Remus' brow, and he stepped back just enough to tip his chin up and search Severus' face with a piercing gaze. "Do you still want nothing more than a no-strings affair?"

"Of course." Severus frowned back at him, puzzled as to how Remus could cling to his foolish notions of love. "It _was_ a brilliant shag, Remus, but if you think it's going to make me change my mind about relationships, you're delusional."

For an instant, Remus looked as if Severus had slapped him, but in a blink, the look of stunned pain was gone, replaced by one of calm neutrality, and he let his arms fall to his sides as he pulled himself free of Severus' embrace, putting distance between them. "Then we still have nothing to discuss. Good night, Severus. I trust you can let yourself out."

Without another word or a backwards glance, he turned and disappeared into his bedroom, closing the door behind him with a quiet click that seemed to echo in the silent, empty room, the sound making Severus wince far more than a heated slam would have done. With a frustrated snarl, Severus stomped out, taking his ire out on Remus' door and then his own before going straight to the bath. He refused to go to bed with Remus' scent still on his skin, but the hottest water in the world couldn't erase his memories, and they rose up to haunt him as soon as he extinguished the light. 

Burying his face in his pillow, he squeezed his eyes shut and tried to forget the feel of Remus' body against him and beneath him, tried to forget the way Remus had responded to him with immediate and unreserved passion, tried to forget the way his name sounded when murmured by a soft, husky baritone voice. Most of all, he tried to forget that he would never experience any of it again.

* * *

For two days, they were polite to each other at meals, engaging in stilted conversation until Severus couldn't bear the suspense any longer, the question that had been burning on his tongue finally bursting out: "Are you going to see him again?"

Remus gave him a startled, wary look and replied, "yes, I am." He didn't elaborate, however, and Severus didn't press, falling silent and picking at his food until breakfast was over, and everyone got up and hurried off to start their day. 

The rest of the day, he was in a distracted haze, barely rousing himself enough to snap with the expected amount of venom at a Hufflepuff who was ruining her shrinking solution by putting too much leech juice in. By the end of the day, however, he had made a decision: he had to see for himself that Remus was truly happy with That Daniel Person. If he was, then Severus would put aside his thoughts of an arrangement between them, and things could get back to normal between them. 

He preferred to call his activities "surveillance" rather than "stalking"; it took time and patience, but he was determined to catch Remus going out on his date. The first night of Severus' watch, Remus remained in his quarters, and Severus gave up around 9:00, deciding that was too late for a date to begin. The second night, Remus left his quarters around 7:30, but he went to the library, and Severus called it an early night, knowing Remus would be there for hours. It didn't matter if Remus meant only to "just stop in to check something quickly"; he was, Severus knew, incapable of resisting the lure of the library, and his "quick visits" always ended up stretching from an intended fifteen minutes to a minimum of three hours. 

On the third night, however, Remus emerged from his chambers wearing his cloak, and Severus was instantly alert, ready to follow. Fortunately, his work for the Order had honed his skills at shadowing someone without being detected, and he was able to follow Remus to Hogsmeade without arousing any suspicion. This time, it was That Daniel Person who was early, waiting for Remus outside the Three Broomsticks, and Severus decided against pursuing them further. He doubted Remus would believe Severus "just happened" to visit the pub on the same night at the same time, and so he returned to Hogwarts, loitering on the grounds while he waited for Remus to return. 

To his surprise, Remus wasn't alone. That Daniel Person walked with him to the gates of the school, and Severus peered around a stone gate column just in time to witness the moment when their lips met. Rage bubbled up within him, molten hot, and he clenched his fists in the ivy winding around the column, crushing the tender leaves in his effort to keep himself from darting out of his hiding place and tearing them apart. 

The kiss was nothing like the one he and Remus had shared -- no heat, no fire, no desperate hunger. It was slow and tender, almost chaste, and Severus wondered if Remus was thinking of their kiss, or if he was enjoying that one enough to think of nothing else. When it ended, That Daniel Person stroked Remus' cheek gently, and he saw rather than heard them saying good night. Remus stood where he was for a moment and watched That Daniel Person walk away; finally, after what seemed like an eternity to Severus, he turned and headed towards the castle, and even in the faint light, Severus could tell that he seemed pensive. 

As soon as he passed by the column, Severus reached out and grabbed his arm, hauling him aside and pinning him against the ivy covered stones. Remus gasped, immediately groping for his wand until he realized who had assailed him, and then his expression shifted from alarm to surprise. 

"Severus, what are you doing here?"

"Why are you wasting your time with him?" Severus demanded, clenching Remus' jacket in both fists and giving him a shake. "I saw that farce of a good night kiss -- you'd get a better job of it from the squid in the lake."

Remus gazed at him evenly, that damnable mask of calm in place. "Being alone was a waste of time. Now being with Daniel is a waste of time. Make up your mind, Severus. Better yet, why don't you tell me what this is really about?"

"I've no idea what you mean," Severus replied stiffly, releasing Remus and stepping back. He didn't like the turn this conversation had taken, not at all. 

"Oh, come now, Severus. You've made it clear you don't want a relationship with me beyond playing chess and being fuck buddies, but you don't want me to be with Daniel either. You're jealous, because suddenly you want what you can't have, but it's too late. You had your chance, and you refused it, so I'm moving on with Daniel."

"Damn it, Remus, this is ridiculous!" Severus' temper erupted, and he didn't care if his shouting brought everyone in the whole damned castle outside to see what the commotion was. "You know damned well what it could be like between us, yet you're the one who refused because of some stupid, idealistic notion of love and romance -- all that hearts and flowers and happily ever after nonsense! Why must you be so stubborn and refuse to see what's right in front of you? We're good together!"

"Yes, I know," Remus said quietly. "We're good together in many ways, not just in bed. I've known that for quite some time."

Severus froze as the implications of that remark hit him with the impact of an bludger; he felt his mouth open, but no words came out, and he suspected that for the first time in his life, his jaw had dropped in shock. 

Seeming to ignore Severus' gobsmacked expression, Remus continued. "I don't want flowers and candy--"

" _You_ don't want candy?" Severus managed to rally himself for that retort, but it only earned him a swift, stern look in response.

"You know what I mean, Severus. I don't need the trappings of romance. I don't need to have some kind of commitment ceremony and then set up house together. All I want is to know that the person in bed with me cares enough about me to want more than just sex, no matter whether the relationship lasts a year, twenty years, or the rest of our lives. My life is my own now, and I'm not going to let myself be used by anyone for any reason. You, of all people, ought to understand that."

The damnable thing, Severus thought when it was 3:00 in the morning and he still hadn't got to sleep, was that he _did_ understand that. He hadn't thought of his proposition as an attempt to use Remus, because he hadn't thought that Remus' feelings for him ran any deeper than mere sexual attraction. They would, he thought, be using each other in a mutually beneficial way, but now he understood that the reasons for Remus' refusal stemmed from more than just a naive desire for romance. In which case, it was best that Remus had turned him down, he thought as he thumped his pillow and flopped onto his back. It was best for both of them. He couldn't give what Remus wanted, and he didn't want to hurt Remus for the sake of having sex on a regular basis. Even if it was incredibly good sex, quite possibly the best he'd ever had in his entire life. 

No, he told himself firmly. It was for the best. He reminded himself of that when their stilted conversations turned into stony silence at the head table. He reminded himself of that when Remus canceled their chess matches. He reminded himself of that when he sent the Wolfsbane potion to Remus by way of the House Elves during the week prior to the full moon. He reminded himself of that when Minerva asked if he and Remus had had a lover's spat. 

"It's impossible to have a lover's spat with someone who is not your lover," he replied frostily, but Minerva only raised both eyebrows and peered over the top of her glasses at him. 

"Really? Filius owes me thirty sickles, then. He's convinced you've been shagging for ages."

The problem was that the reminder didn't stop him from feeling restless and at loose ends every Friday night, and he caught himself glancing at the chess set, now gathering dust on his shelf, with a pang of regret and longing. It didn't stop him from feeling the loss of having someone to talk to; he didn't realize how much he confided in Remus until the outlet Remus provided was gone. It didn't stop him from remembering how they could sit in companionable silence without either of them feeling the need to fill the void with prattle, or how well their temperaments blended, or how many interests they had in common. It didn't stop him from remembering how many times their chess nights had extended into the wee hours because they sat and talked long after the game ended. 

It didn't stop him from missing Remus. 

The little hollow spot inside him grew, yawning ever wider and aching with the need for someone to fill it. No, not someone -- Remus. It yearned for Remus; _he_ yearned for Remus. And after the third Friday night spent alone and lonely, he was finally ready to admit it. Downing another glass of scotch, he slumped in his chair by the fire and wondered if Remus was with That Daniel Person and if they were sleeping together yet. Likely so, he thought, and a sharp pang of jealousy twisted his gut. Not anger, he admitted -- jealousy. He _was_ jealous, and he _did_ have feelings for Remus, and damn it all, wasn't it exactly his luck to realize that when it was too late?

No. He sat up straight, resolve stiffening his spine. It wasn't too late. Remus was his, and he was going to take back what was his from That Daniel Person, who couldn't make Remus ignite and burn with the kind of passion that Severus could. Remus had said he didn't want the trappings of romance, which meant he wouldn't suddenly expect Severus to behaving like a besotted, doting lover. No, all Remus wanted was companionship and a secure place in Severus' affections, and that was something he could provide. He couldn't imagine desiring someone as he desired Remus, and he certainly couldn't imagine liking anyone else's company as much he liked Remus'. Looking at it from that perspective, he wasn't quite certain why he had been so dead-set against making a commitment in the first place; it wasn't such a bad thing, especially considering he didn't want anyone other than Remus anyway. 

He was tempted to march straight to Remus' chambers, announce that he was prepared to offer a commitment if that was what Remus wanted, and then drag Remus off to bed and shag him until he no longer remembered his own name, much less That Daniel Person's. But that was the scotch talking, and the still sober part of his mind reminded him that after nearly a month of mutual cold-shouldering, a more subtle approach might be in order. Besides, Remus might not even be home, and Severus didn't fancy waiting outside his door for hours -- or worse, all night. It was bad enough that he suspected the two of them were having sex; he didn't want concrete proof of it. 

It was a relief to see Remus at breakfast the next morning, and Severus felt his heart start to pound against the walls of his chest, his stomach roiling with a blend of anticipation and nerves. In the cold light of day without the comforting effects of alcohol in his system, he wasn't quite so confident of his revised plan's success. If Remus had become emotionally attached to That Daniel Person, the chances of him wanting to give up his new relationship might be less in Severus' favor. There was, Severus knew, a chance that his offer might be refused, but things couldn't get worse between them than they already were, and taking the risk would be worth it if Remus said yes. 

After breakfast, he returned to his quarters, did a bit of touch-up grooming, slipped a bar of chocolate into his pocket, and made his way to Remus' door, pausing a moment to take a deep breath before lifting his hand and knocking firmly. A moment later, Remus opened the door, his questioning look of curiosity turning to closed-off weariness when he saw Severus standing there. 

"I'm not in the mood for an argument, Severus," he said, moving to shut the door again, but Severus flung out his arm to stop it. 

"I don't want to argue either."

"Then what do you want?" 

It should have been a simple question to answer, but standing there with Remus looking up at him -- half-wary, half-curious -- and knowing he was about to offer Remus his heart in a way that he had never done before in his life or else lose Remus forever, his throat closed up, his mouth went dry, and the words wouldn't come. 

That little frown formed between Remus' brows, and Severus knew he was on the verge of pushing the door shut. Desperate, he stopped thinking and simply acted, letting his instincts guide him as he reached out and framed Remus' face between his hands, caressing Remus' cheeks gently with his thumbs. Remus froze, wide-eyed, and then he let go of the door, much to Severus' relief. Bending his head, Severus brushed his lips against Remus', but the brief touch wasn't nearly satisfying enough, and he returned for another taste only to find Remus' lips parted, silently inviting more. 

Sliding one hand up into Remus' hair, he stroked it, enjoying the feel of it flowing through his fingers as he skimmed his tongue along Remus' bottom lip before slipping it into his mouth, claiming it once more. Remus' lips were warm and pliant as the kiss continued slow and wet and deep; Severus explored at his leisure, wanting to memorize every tiny bit of Remus' mouth while Remus stroked Severus' tongue with his own, soft sounds of pleasure rising from his throat. 

Winding his other arm around Remus' waist, Severus urged him closer, and Remus complied, sliding his arms around Severus' neck and pressing against him. Remus' fingers sifted through his hair, and Remus' hand stroked his back from shoulder to hip as he let his own hand roam Remus' back, their caresses tender and careful, as if neither of them wanted to shatter the moment with movements too quick or rough. 

"I want you to tell that Daniel person you won't see him anymore," Severus said when they parted at last, and Remus gazed up at him with a somber expression. 

"I can't do that, Severus."

"Why the hell not?" he demanded, a flare of anger mixed with humiliation well up. Was he to be dismissed so easily, even after that kiss?

"Because I ended things with him a week ago."

Severus blinked, taking a moment to process those words and make certain they meant what he thought they meant. "You mean it's over?"

"Yes, it's over." Remus smiled and brushed Severus' cheek with the backs of his fingers. "Was there something else you wanted?"

"Everything," Severus blurted out before he had a chance to censor himself, and Remus' smile widened. 

"You can have that," he said, an undercurrent of amusement in his voice. "But I think you'll want to come inside and shut the door first."

He did, and then he reached for Remus again, wanting more of those slow, drugging kisses that flowed endlessly one into another while their eager fingers worked at buttons and impatiently pushed at impeding fabric until their clothes and shoes littered the floor around them. But Severus didn't want another quick shag over the arm of the couch -- not _this_ time, anyway. There would be plenty of opportunities for that in future, and he could think of any number of places where he wanted to take Remus with rough haste: his desk, Remus' desk, and over the side of the bed just for starters. But this time, he wanted to explore the map of Remus' body, wanted to learn it and memorize it and bestow on it all the erotic ministrations it deserved. 

Steering Remus into the bedroom, Severus urged him onto the bed and quickly followed, kneeling between Remus' bent knees. Reaching out, he splayed his hands on Remus' chest and smoothed them down, savoring the feel of warm, smooth skin contrasted with coarse, crinkly dark hair. His palms molded to the subtle bumps of Remus' ribcage and to the clean jut of his hipbones, and beneath his gentle touch, Remus moaned and arched, seeming hungry for more of Severus' hands on his body. 

Gliding his hands back up, he brushed his thumbs back and forth across Remus' nipples, growing increasingly more smug as he watched Remus squirm and listened to Remus' soft gasps and whimpers. Relenting at last, he took one pebbled nipple between his thumb and forefinger, pinching and teasing it while he bent over and took the other between his teeth, tugging it roughly, and Remus cried out, his hands flying to Severus' shoulders, gripping and kneading them hard. 

Skimming his hands up and down Remus' sides to his hip and along his thighs, Severus laved first one nipple and then the other with his tongue, pleased with the low, desperate moans that evoked, and then he began trailing kisses down to Remus' stomach, pausing to swirl his tongue in Remus' navel. Sitting up, he trailed his fingernails along the sensitive length of Remus' inner thigh and then trailed his forefinger along the length of Remus' cock, reveling in Remus' choked cry and the way his slender body twisted with need, his hips lifting instinctively. 

A dark flush of arousal bloomed in Remus' cheeks and suffused his face, spreading down his neck to his chest and turning his pale, smooth skin bright pink. Severus leaned over again and nuzzled his cheek against Remus', feeling the heat of the blush beneath Remus' skin, and he smiled with satisfaction at the evidence of Remus' pleasure. Wrapping his arms around Severus again, Remus drew him into a kiss, parting his lips eagerly beneath Severus' as he combed his fingers through Severus' hair, and Severus stretched out on top of him, a moan escaping him at the feel of sweat-damp skin against sweat-damp skin. 

Hooking one leg around Severus' hips, Remus arched against him and slid both hands down to clutch his arse, pushing Severus' hips against his, the feel of their cocks rubbing against together nearly enough to send Severus over the edge then and there. "Please, Severus," he murmured against Severus' mouth. 

"My wand is in the other room," Severus replied, realizing with dismay that Remus' wand was as well, which meant one of them would have to get up, and he didn't want to leave this delicious tangle of limbs. 

"Look in the drawer." Remus gestured towards the bedside table. "There's a jar of salve. It's been purely for my own use," he added, reaching up to caress Severus' cheek as if he guessed the fleeting scowl was due to Severus wondering if he'd used the salve with That Daniel Person, which was not something Severus wanted to think about _ever_ , much less when they were in the middle of shagging. 

Mollified, Severus rolled away just enough to reach the drawer, pull it open, and rummage around for the jar; opening it quickly, he tossed the lid aside and scooped out a generous amount, coating his first two fingers. Putting the jar aside, he settled atop Remus again, but when he slid his hand between Remus' legs, Remus grabbed his wrist, shaking his head. 

"I don't want your fingers. I want you."

Severus arched one eyebrow. "I do hope you aren't really expecting an argument."

Laughing softly, Remus released his wrist and smiled up at him, and Severus felt a warmth that had nothing to do with lust spreading throughout his entire body when he realized that the open warmth he had seen when Remus and That Daniel Person were together was directed at him now. For the first time, the mask was gone, and Remus' eyes were unguarded, shining with an equal blend of desire and affection -- all for Severus. 

Before Remus could reply, Severus captured his mouth, kissing him with a fierce, desperate hunger as he fisted himself, spreading the salve thoroughly; Remus moaned into his mouth, yielding to Severus' claim without hesitation as he embraced Severus again, bending his knees and lifting his hips as Severus positioned himself, the head of his slick cock nudging Remus' entrance and slowly easing inside. Remus' fingers tightened on his back, digging in as Severus pushed, entering Remus with one smooth slide of flesh, their twin groans of pleasure muffled by the kiss. 

Biting at Remus' bottom lip, Severus broke the kiss at last and began to move -- long, slow thrusts that sent him deep and made Remus' toes curl. Only when Remus' breathing had turned into shallow, ragged panting did he bury himself deep and then sit up just enough to wrap his hand around Remus' cock, stroking it to match the rhythm of his thrusts, and Remus let out a strangled cry, flinging his arms out to clench the sheets in his fists as he tossed his head back, exposing the long line of his pale throat. Severus paused and bent over to drag his tongue along the length of it before sitting up again and fisting Remus' cock faster, driving him to the edge, and it only took a few more strokes before Remus' hips surged against Severus' hand, and Remus came, gasping out Severus' name. 

Severus watched, enthralled, as Remus sprawled limply beneath him, flushed and vulnerable, all inhibitions fled; he was, he knew, seeing Remus as few ever saw him with his defenses lowered and his facade shattered, and the sight was addictive. He wanted more, wanted to know that no one else would ever see Remus like this again except him. This was his -- _Remus_ was his -- and no other would ever claim it. 

With a low snarl, he covered Remus again and thrust hard, burying himself deep within Remus' replete body. "Mine." 

Remus' eyes flew open, and he flung his arms around Severus' shoulders, burying his fingers in Severus' hair as he braced his feet on the mattress so he could lift his hips to meet Severus' rough thrusts, locking his gaze on Severus' face, he let Severus see the truth of his response. "Yours." 

Severus drove into Remus harder as his pleasure spiraled higher, losing himself in the perfection of heat and sweat and low moans and cries that sang of a pleasure beyond words, and suddenly, release washed over him and swept through him, leaving him gasping and boneless in its wake. Gathering Severus in his arms, Remus cradled him close, not seeming to mind that Severus had collapsed on top of him in a sweaty, sated tangle of limbs, and Severus curved one arm around Remus' head, stroking his hair as he rested, his cheek pillowed on Remus' shoulder. 

"No more of this seeing other men nonsense," he murmured once he had caught his breath enough to speak.

"No more, I promise." Remus stroked his back tenderly. "No more of this 'no-strings affair' nonsense."

"No more, I promise."

Remus tightened both arms around him as if never intending to let him go -- and Severus found he had no objections to that whatsoever. "In that case," Remus said, and Severus didn't need to see his face to know that he was smiling, "I think we've finally found an arrangement we can agree on."

"So it would seem." Severus nuzzled his cheek sleepily. "Fancy a game of strip chess later?"

"You're on."

Let other men woo with flowers and candlelight dinners, he thought as he relaxed and let himself begin to drift off to the feel of Remus' fingertips gliding up and down the length of his spine. Although he thought he might indulge Remus in some romantic trappings every once in a while; he had brought chocolate, after all, even though he hadn't had a chance to offer it. Not yet. He would bring it out later once they were in their chairs by the fireplace with Remus' chess set between them and brandy and biscuits and each other within easy reach -- exactly where they both belonged.


End file.
